When to use it
- Personal vows read at the ceremony, on their own or alongside traditional wording
- Writing separately from your partner but keeping both sets the same shape and length
- Short vows for an elopement or a courthouse wedding: keep the opening, two promises and the closing
- A vow renewal, with the story and promises drawn from the years you have already had
How to use this template
- Agree on the frame with your partner
Before either of you writes a word, settle the outside of the vows: a length range, the tone, who goes first, and whether you will read them or repeat them after the officiant. The words can stay a surprise. A 40-second set followed by a four-minute one is the kind of mismatch guests remember.
- Fill every blank in rough notes
Answer the brackets in fragments, on paper or in a notes file, without trying to sound good yet. For the story, list three moments and keep the one that would make your partner laugh or go quiet. Write eight or ten promises and keep the best four or five.
- Keep one line per part
Lines that start with "Or:" are choices, not extra material. Keep the one closest to how you talk, delete the others, then reword it until it sounds like you and not like a form. The finished vows should read as one short piece.
- Read it aloud, then cut
Time yourself reading slowly. Cut any line that needs explaining, rewrite any line you stumble on twice, and stop at about two minutes. Print the final copy in large type, with a slash where you want to breathe.
For the reasoning behind each part, and seven complete examples (funny, short, blended family, shared vows), read the guide on how to write wedding vows.
The template, filled in
Here is the sheet completed by one invented person. The opening and the story start from the first option in each part, the four promises follow the four prompts in order, and the closing borrows the traditional words.
Tom, the first time I saw you, you were kneeling in the parking lot of the Pine Street library, trying to fit a bookcase into a car that was clearly too small for it. I offered to help, and you said, very seriously, "I have a plan." You did not have a plan. We moved it in two trips in my car.
I knew I wanted to marry you two winters later, when my mother was in the hospital and you drove four hours every Friday without once asking whether you should. You just showed up with a thermos and the crossword.
So here is what I promise. I promise to be honest with you, especially when it's inconvenient. I promise to stay when things are hard, and to tell you when I'm scared instead of going quiet. I promise to measure the car before we buy the furniture. And I promise to keep building a life with room in it for both our families: the people here today, and the ones we miss.
Tom, I take you to be my husband, for better for worse, in sickness and in health, for as long as we both shall live.
Two things make it work. The story is one moment, told with the details a stranger can picture (the thermos, the crossword), which is show, don't tell applied to a person. And the small promise calls back to the opening, so the guests get a laugh they are already in on before the serious close.
Swap generic lines for specific ones
Most first drafts fill the blanks with lines that would fit any couple. Read each one and ask whether a guest could tell it was about your partner. If not, trade the adjective for something they did.
| Generic | Specific |
|---|---|
| GenericYou're my best friend. | SpecificYou're the first person I call with good news, and the only one I call with bad news. |
| GenericYou're so kind. | SpecificYou spent a month learning enough sign language to talk with my brother at Thanksgiving. |
| GenericI'll always be there for you. | SpecificI'll be in the waiting room every time, with your phone charger. |
| GenericI can't wait to spend forever with you. | SpecificI can't wait to be old with you, still arguing about the thermostat. |
What good vows do
- They talk to one person. Vows are said to your partner, so they stay in the second person. If a sentence calls them "he" or "she", it belongs in a toast.
- They repeat on purpose. Starting each promise with "I promise" gives listeners a beat to follow. Repetition at the start of lines is one of the oldest rhetorical devices, and it also helps you keep your place if your voice goes.
- They make promises you can keep. "I'll never argue with you" fails by the first week. "I'll never end an argument by leaving the room" is a promise you can hold yourself to.
- They sound like the person saying them. Pick a tone your friends would recognize as yours. Jokes work early and in the middle. Keep the last promise and the closing line straight.
- They leave things out. Exes, money, what the wedding cost, and how you almost didn't get together all stay out, along with any joke at your partner's expense.
You don't need to memorize your vows. Reading from a card is normal, and it means you can't go blank. If you want to speak without notes, the methods for memorizing a speech work for a two-minute vow as well. Keep the card in a pocket anyway.
Traditional words you can keep
Many couples use personal lines for the opening, story and promises, then close with the traditional vow. The third closing option in the template is adapted from the marriage service in the 1928 Book of Common Prayer of the Episcopal Church. The groom's vow reads as below. The bride's is the same with "Husband" and ends "give thee my troth".
I N. take thee N. to my wedded Wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I plight thee my troth.
The core of it goes back at least to the 1662 Book of Common Prayer in England, and versions of it are still said at religious and civil weddings alike. In the template it is trimmed to the promises, with "wife, husband or partner" in place of "wedded Wife" and an optional "for as long as we both shall live" if you prefer a softer ending.
Frequently asked questions
How long should wedding vows be?
Most run one to two minutes aloud, about 150 to 250 words. Agree on a range with your partner so the two sets are close in length, then time yours by reading it slowly with pauses.
Can my partner and I both use this template?
Yes. Using the same sheet keeps your vows the same shape and roughly the same length, and they won't sound alike because the blanks are where the content is. If you want the words to stay a surprise, fill it in separately.
Can I use it for short vows or an elopement?
Yes. Keep the opening line, two promises and the closing, and skip the story. That comes to 40 to 80 words, well under a minute, and still has one true detail and a promise.
Does it work for a vow renewal?
Yes. Rewrite the opening around the years you've had, take the story from the marriage rather than the courtship, and make the promises about the next stretch: the house, retirement, grandchildren, the habits you want to keep.
